I am really, really attracted to ugly nerdy guys. How do I get them to be interested in me? Any suggestions?

I’m good looking but my personality is pretty crap. I want to change it so I can get the dorky guys. I am really serious and willing to do anything to get them. Please help me.

Lolita Yonac

Never fear, Lolita. Here’s a secret. Nerdy guys are desperate. Many of them leave high school and get all the way through to becoming doctors without ever havng kissed a girl.

Sure, they may claim their beard is there to make them look distinguished, but the truth is they grow them to hide the constant look of sorrow and disappointment on their faces.

Here’s another secret. Nerdy guys aren’t all that interested in girls with great personalities. the truth is, they’re mostly shy and hopeless at conversation and social interaction, so a girl who is in any way fun, or outgoing just makes them feel inadequate.

Here’s another secret. Nerdy guys make great lovers. Think about it. One night with a nerdy guy, and 20 years of pent up sexual frustration to unleash on you. Sure, there’ll be the disappointment at the start when he gets a bit over excited, but he’ll be able to wash his pants—they’re polyester, so they’ll dry in a jiffy.

By your 18th time, however, you’ll be seeing stars, I guarantee it. Picking up a nerdy guy is easy. Walk up to him, and say “I really want to bonk you.” He’ll try to run away. He’s used to girls teasing him. Run after him and tell him that you’re for real. He’ll get all shy and stammer and stuff. That’s when you snap on a pair of handcuffs and race him back to your room.

Have fun.